the Sanctity of Marriage?

Last night I watched "the Real Housewives of Orange County" with my mom. It's one of those guilty pleasures that we share. Those women are just awful to each other. Really I suggest you don't watch the franchise unless you're ready to be sucked in. I don't know what it is about it. I think it's like a car accident. It's gruesome and gory, and there is nothing you want to see in it but you just can't help but slow down and look as you pass. You slow down and look enough and ... well ... you might as well get the popcorn out. So we are watching and at the very end we find out Vicki's daughter that just found out the tumors on her vocal cords and thyroid aren't malignant, has run off to Vegas with her boyfriend and gotten married. She decides the best way to tell Vicky, who is going through her second divorce, is for the happy couple to take her out to dinner and drop the bomb on her. Vicki wasn't happy. Of course, that's not the full story. It get's worse. They went to Vegas, got a marriage license, and then proceeded to get married at a DRIVE-THRU WEDDING CHAPEL! This is the sanctity of marriage that needs to be protected by refusing marriage rights to gay couples. I personally am not a fan of marriage. I come from a broken home. My father was career military and he came back from the Vietnam war changed. My mom said he'd always had a temper, he'd hit her a couple times, but when he came back from his second tour of duty all that escalated. One of my first memories is my father screaming at my mother, and then flinging her around the kitchen and dining room of our home while my sister and me screamed, "don't hurt our mother." I was 3 at the time. Most people find it odd that I remember that far back, especially my sister (who doesn't) but I do. Years later I asked my mom why he'd gotten custody of my sister and me when they'd first gotten divorced. He was cheating on her with her best friend. Keep in mind that having me totally messed with my mom's system. Not only did she go through years of postpartum depression, but she'd had a spotty thyroid most of her life that was some how exasperated after my birth. But still, it didn't make sense. She told me she'd attempted suicide. Then I remembered something. I'm going to preface this by telling you, you think you can say things in front of children and they aren't old enough to understand. This doesn't mean they aren't old enough to remember. I turned to my mother and said, "They got you drunk and convinced you to take a bottle of pills, didn't they?" Yes, a bit of a conversation I remember hearing between my father and my mom's best friend suddenly made sense to me. My mom, who still to this day will not say anything to put down my father in front of me, visibly swallowed, and didn't answer my question. She only said "I thought about what it would do to you kids and called the ambulance." This gave my father grounds for divorce. It was a win-win for him. He either had grounds for divorce and full custody or a dead wife. This is the beginning of my examples of marriage. It didn't get much better. Being raised by a single mother, I couldn't help but hear marriage horror stories. Not just craziness towards the wives either. This one story my mom told me (I was an adult by this time) helped her deal with the fact that I was gay and out. A co-worker of hers had been stealing from the job. Now if you think you can steal working as a clerk in a major department store (or even a customer) think again. They'd known she was stealing and let her continue to build the case against her. When they had enough they escorted her out in handcuffs and had her arrested. What they didn't know is that a few days earlier, her husband, who was gay, Muslim and doing his best to be straight, while having affairs with men on the side, couldn't take living a lie any more and shot himself. They had one child, a little girl. The child's father was dead, and her mother was going to prison, and they had no relatives in this country. Yay for the sanctity of marriage. These aren't my only reason's for not thinking marriage is a reasonable choice. There's also the fact that people are living longer than they used to, and if you pay attention their personal growth is happening quicker. That's why relationships seem to be peaking faster. We go through in a few months what used to take a life time. When you stay together when the relationship is done it just becomes hateful. There is also the fact that when there were few cities and more smaller towns, the people you would come across was rather limited. Now we all have cars, buses, trains, airplanes, the internet, Skype, Facebook, Google plus. Heck you can fly to the Philippines and marry someone you've never met. Still I find it funny that as a society we are so unwilling to redefine what marriage means to allow in same sex marriage, when we've already done that in the past few hundred years. Marriage used to mean an exchange of properties. You give me your daughter, I give you stuff. It was used to create alliances in families, for political or monetary means. Now people get married just cause they feel like it. Some get married over and over again. I've always wondered why people do that. It seems like they don't like themselves and find the thought of being alone with themselves a horrifying concept. Besides, marriage has basically become a joke. Come on, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, nuff said. Course, we all know why she filed for divorce. He's gay. I wish! Not that anyone wouldn't want to claim him. Good looking, fit, dresses well, wants to hang out with the Kardashians, doesn't mind helping a guy shave off some hair. I can see why she says that but come on. Y'all did it for the money and we know it. So y'all get it. Not a fan of marriage. So why speak out for gay marriage at all? Because while I might not ever want to get married, being told I can't for reasons that are obviously either discriminatory or based on religious dogma is just wrong, and it tends to get ridiculous. In order for a gay couple to give each other the same rights as one single piece of paper does, they have to file a packet of documents about an inch thick. That's just for stuff like being able to visit each other in the hospital. Still, as a lesbian couple found out a few years ago, it's still not a guarantee the hospital will honor the documents. The couple had been together for 20+ years, and had many documents of partnership, like power of attorney and durable power of attorney (the last gives the partner the right to visit the sick partner in the hospital and make decision for them in the case where they can't make decision themselves. Basically in lieu of a next of kin, which this sick woman wouldn't have had otherwise.) The hospital stated that gay marriage wasn't legal in their state and refused to honor the rights given by the document. Now again this wasn't a domestic partner agreement, or civil union document, this was a durable power of attorney. The woman died alone without her wishes being honored. But the sanctity of marriage was upheld!! Compassion must have no place in religion, or even simple human kindness, or even well THE LAW! Now after making it clear how I feel about marriage, let me say my Mom knows this and knows my reasoning. So one day when we were playing cards, some how gay marriage came up. She basically said that if I ever married a man not to invite her because she wouldn't be coming. I don't think I've ever been so hurt. Knowing that I'm not a fan of marriage, it would take an extreme relationship to even make me consider it. It would be about my happiness and not having the most important person in my life there (next to whomever HE is) would break my heart. I'm hoping you, the reader, can find something comparable, but being the gay person at a wedding is horrible. All these people brought together to celebrate the loving relationship of a couple, and knowing that your family will never do that for you, really hurts. You can't help but want it. It's engrained in us from the first time we are read the happily ever after versions of Snow White and Cinderella. That there is that one person out there that's perfect for us and when you meet magic happens and everybody is happy and celebrates that love. Anything less is a disappointing farce. So we all want it. For a lot of us that means marriage, whether gay, straight or other. Like any act of discrimination, anything less diminishes us all.